You’re a nice guy, you never hit her, you brought her nice things, but you screwed up one time and she’s gone. It may not be fair, but it does happen. Unfortunately, you still love her, and you know that she still loves you. She’s just pissed.

Do you want her back? Probably. Do you deserve her back? Well, maybe, maybe not, but you really do want her back. So, what can you do to get your ex girlfriend back?

What Went Wrong?

This is probably the hardest question to try and find an answer for. If you did something specific, maybe you cheated on her, or if you’ve been arguing a lot lately, you may be able to identify the final straw. But, rarely is the final catalyst that resulted in her leaving the core root of the problem within your relationship.

Chances are that she’s not ready to talk with you about it, and relationships are hard, she may not even be able to pinpoint the exact problem. However, there are usually a few root causes that you can see if they applied to your relationship.
Communication Breakdown

Communication issues are a huge cause of any relationship breakdown (see here), and a lot of the time you can’t even understand what she’s talking about. You listen to everything she says. The problem isn’t really that you aren’t listening, it’s that she feels you haven’t been paying attention. This may drive you a bit nuts trying to decipher the cryptic code, but it when you crack it you will have taken communication to a whole new level and be improving your relationship.

You listen, but how do you respond? You both come home from a hard day at work, she asks “how was your day?” and you launch into a story about something hideous that happened, she offers sympathy and agrees with you that it was horrible. What happens next? Do you ask her how her day was? Or do you carry on talking about your story?

If you don’t show any interest in her day, she will not feel valued. Yes, it is wonderful having something to talk to about problems you’ve faced during the day, and it can be easy to get caught up in the joy of being able to unload. But think about how nice it feels being able to share the crap with her – and don’t you think she’d like to be able to do the same? Try to make a conscious effort to actually be interested in what she is doing.

Trying To Fix Everything

Do you talk to your girlfriend or do you listen to what she says and try to offer helpful advice? Believe it or not, she probably doesn’t actually want advice, she just wants support. Mindless “oh dear, oh no, oh that’s terrible” doesn’t cut it. From you, she needed acknowledgment of the problem and encouragement to fix the problem herself.

Rather than launching straight into helping, ask her what she needs. If you agree that the situation is pretty terrible, say so. If you think she’s overreacting, instead of telling her to calm down, express that you’re on her side, but ask how the situation came to happen. If she gets to talk about it, she may come to the conclusion that she overreacted, or you may realize that she’s been dealing with the same crap day after day and finally lost the plot on something that seemed so innocent. If you had launched straight into trying to fix the situation all that happens is you don’t know what the problem really was, and you become the focus for her anger. Not because you deserve it, but because you can be a safe place for her to vent her continuing frustration at. No, you shouldn’t put up with abuse, but you can let her rant and realize that it’s not you, it is her that is voicing her feelings.

Not Enough Time Together

This is another common problem for modern couples – it can be really hard to try and find time to have a meaningful time together. In fact, this can be a huge part of the cause of communication breakdown. For topics that are really close to peoples hearts they often need time to be able to bring themselves to talk about it – and if there isn’t any time, they don’t get spoken about. Which means that a minor annoyance like toast crumbs in the butter, become a festering wound of annoyance – and before you know it there’s a screaming match and you’re wondering why the toilet seat caused the end of your relationship.

You don’t need to have romantic dinners out, but you do need to have one-on-one time together in a situation that allows you to relax and enjoy each other’s company – and to talk. Just being able to share mundane thoughts makes it easy to clear the air about minor irritations. From here you are building a strong relationship which allows you to communicate about the big stuff.

Getting Back Together

The whole point of going through this exercise in self-reflection is ultimately to get your ex-girlfriend back. But, after going through all of this, do you still think it will work between you? Yes, you love her, but chances are that you are both going to have to make some changes in order to get your relationship to be working the way you’d like it to. Is this something that you think can happen? People in love are supposed to have better ability to have self-control than those who are single, so think of yourself as in love and focus on your next step related study source

If you are sitting there with a list of things that she has done wrong and ways in which she needs to change, then you probably need to start working on your list again. The old saying of “it takes two to tango” is true, and in relationships, there always needs to be a certain level of giving and take from both people to make it work. You may feel that you have been doing all the compromising, but often the areas where you have been “compromising” are the exact areas she wants you to stand your ground.

Relationships do take work, and taking your partner for granted is the easiest way to lose them.
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